Mini Review: Wii U – Diabolically bad first impressions.

Since getting a Wii U I’ve been trying hard to blog about my views and experiences but because I have so much to say on the matter it hasn’t been easy keep things brief and structured, but what I will say in this first part of several posts on the Wii U, is that the Wii U has been the worst experience I have EVER had with any of the 16 consoles I’ve owned since 1989.

Currently I am having to send back my 3rd Wii U due to out-the-box faults. I have managed to clock up about 6 hours of gameplay time across 4 games, which kept crashing, and what feels like a year prating around with all the set up stuff. Thus far the only thing I like about the console, the one thing I cannot pick fault with, is how you can use the gamepad as a TV remote. It is the only redeeming feature of the console, mainly because it works and works properly…Its actually a superior and more simple alternative to our remotes.

The niceness ends there because I found everything about the Wii U incredibly frustrating and cumbersome. The level of childishness on the console is shocking. Games like Nintendoland should come with an obesity warning they are so sweet…and should probably be used in ex gay therapy because this is one gay guy who’s feeling remarkably more masculine after that too-gay-for-gays experience. Nintendo there is no need to be this safe and sweet, it’s too much.

The gamepads design, which I will write at length on another day, is shocking. Nothing about it feel accurate or responsive and everything about it feels cheap. I throughly despise the analogues, which feel like I’ve just thrown my virgin thumbs onto an ice-rink. The sound and touch screen responsiveness is pretty poor too, and the battery life is a complete let down. I felt like I was having to relearn how to control characters in 3D environments again, but knowing full well it was crap control design.

I also am shocked at the pathetic loading times you experience using the OS. I’m sure it’s not personal, but I feel like I am being served by Mc Donalds worst employee, who ain’t in no rush to do anything right, but still manages to prattle on about some promotion or whatever. I was not prepared for how much bullshit the WiiU was going to drag me through to get anything done….and i’m not talking about the updates here, that actually was a very tolerable experience for me taking no more than 10 mintues….not much of a silver lining however.

Games are of course only as good as the people who make them and amazing game can exist on any platform with the right development, but I found that if they were trying to make full use of the gamepad, it simply wasn’t being executed very well, and when using conventional controls, the gamepad just wasn’t up to the task. Those analogues really are dreadful and I fear that with such shoddy work on Nintendos behalf with these basic essentials, they’ve put developers at a severe disadvantage right out of the gate.

So to wrap up I cannot say anything nice about console that clearly isn’t trying, and the Wii U doesn’t make an effort in any area whatsoever. It’s been put together badly with, despite cries to the contrary, little consideration to hardcore gaming. Everything about the Wii U is cumbersome and slow. Despite being fed endless crap to read from every direction you can still be left thinking WTF?! And the shocking fact is that beyond titles you that have been available on other consoles for months that you may argue are fantastic, but don’t appeal to me, there’s nothing remarkable worth buying for the Wii U, now or anytime soon, god knows when the UK will see Pikmin 3 but I’m not getting my hopes up for seeing it this side of October 2013, which is the only reason I will be replacing my Wii U and not getting a refund.

In future posts I will be talking in detail about the Wii Transfer, the e-shop, Nintendoland, the gamepad to better justify my severe dissapointment expressed here.

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