REVIEW: Nintendoland: NOT the next Wii Sports.

This review might the shortest one I have ever written and perhaps the most unfair for I have bearly scratched the surface of what’s on offer in this game, and yet in that short time I managed to develop more hate for this game than anything else in my entire life.

The story pretty much begins and ends with Monita, one of the worst concived characters in the history of animation. She never bloody shuts up. On and on and on she went telling me about things I didn’t care about, like a fucking train that rides around in a circle, or things that didn’t need explaining. It drove me absolutely fucking nuts, so much that come her 3rd rant I desperately ran to the Wii U to eject the disk. I won’t ever be playing Nintendoland again.

Considering I’ve spent over 20 years loving everything Nintendo has done, you’d think one more sickly sweet and pedantic character wouldn’t bother me, but it did and I find it hard to explain why, but I despise her and the presentation of this game. It’s simply too gay, and I’m gay!

As for the games, well the F Zero game was my first, and it was rubbish. Next I tried Balloon Trip, and if it wasn’t for Monita I’d probably spend a lot of time on this mini-game. The last game I tried before I ‘lost it’ was Yoshi’s Fruit cart, again perhaps I game I could enjoy if I gave it more of a chance. But I can’t. The game is just to over the top with it sweetness and endless explanations. I had my father in the room at the time, taking an odd level of interest in the Wii U, then he saw Nintendoland, at which point he almost disowned me as he quickly walked out the room to get away from Monita….I kid you not!

Overall I’d say after my short time with Nintendoland is that is really doesn’t want you to play the game and is too busy trying to sell aspects of the game no one in their right mind would give a rats-ass about. HOWS ABOUT YOU PUT A FUCKIN QUESTION MARK IN THE CORNER AND IF WE NEED INFO WE’LL FUCKING ASK FOR IT!

I hasten to add the gamepad crashed on me 4 times during gameplay and I lost connection with the Wii U at least 6 times, and I can assure you I was never more than 3 meters away from the console and there are no confusing wireless signals running amok in my living room. So no Nintendo it wasn’t the wind, it was your shoddy design.

SCORING:

37% – There’s no doubt a degree of thought and effort went into Nintendoland, but it will drive you crazy with how much of a child/idiot it presumes you to be. You will not find this half as direct or easy to set up as Wii Sports, and even veteran gamers will be left feeling frustrated with the feeling you are having to learn how to use controls all over again, despite you fully understanding the task at hand. Every fault and shortcoming the Wii U gamepad has is exposed in Nintendoland.

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