5 words Nintendo refuses to understand.


Nintendo games have got increasingly easier over the years and no one asked them to do that, and just about everyone has complained. We want a challenege. Without a challenge there’s no sense of accomplishment. And Nintendo, why can’t you give people the option? Ya know, difficulty settings!


How dare I suggest they don;t know what better means, but they don’t. For all the crap about evolving games, trying to do something new, their franchises seldom learn from past mistakes. What Mario Kart ever dealt with the battle mode shortcomings? What Zelda ever figured out how to make dungeons fun? Why have they not made a full on console Pokemon RPG? Nintendo’s idea of improving something is about a gradual as evolution. And sometimes it’s not about the next new idea, sometimes it’s just a case of building on a good foundation…


Big games make almost everyone happy. Love a game or hate a game, no one felt ripped off by a game with dozens upon dozens hours of gameplay. It shouldn’t be a surprise gamers likes lots of content, be it in the actual game or extra things. Nintendo has never been good at this (excluding the one guy who gets it – Sakurai-san). After a 9 year wait, Pikmin 3 is a 4 level affair. Most of Nintendo games are just a basic package with very little flair. You have to hold them at gun point to get them to employ an orchestra. Nintendo have always been CGI-phobic. They avoid things like hidden levels, extra features, customisation, challenges, just about anything that extends the gameplay. Take Mario Kart. If you ask me the game hit its peak with Mario Kart DS. Now that was a game. It doubled the amount of levels typically found in Mario Kart and threw in dozens of fun challenges. Those challenges haven’t been seen since and the amount of levels has since remained the same. The next Mario Kart better increase the level count and bring back those missions!


Nintendo need to get with the times. The Wii U is a joke. Not only is it underpowered but it’s badly designed. That gamepad needs an overhaul quick sharp. Better analogues, shoulder buttons, battery life and screen resolution. The Wii U also needs titles with some clout, Fuck the pansy sandbox mentality of Nintendo, make them harder, better and bigger and you’ve got a stronger game. You look at a Nintendo game and it looks like it belongs in the Early Learning Center and they can’t even attract children! No one interested in games looks at a Nintendo game on a shelf and is impressed. In fact most assessments of Nintendo are made on past experiences. Nintendo is reliant on nostalgia, a soft whimsical appeal to our childhoods is what makes us pick up Mario Kart – From the cover it looks pathetic, but memory tells us Mario plays well. Nintendo games should infer they AAA titles from the packaging to the advertising. Those things make Nitnendo games look like they are only worth 99p.


Nintendo to many is a guilty pleasure. Playing Mario Kart as an adult often requires the excuse of a child to play along with. It’s like an adult admitting they still love Disney, it’s a bit lame, so it becomes a guilty pleasure. It doesn’t have to be like that and you don’t have to stop being child friendly to attract adult customers. Nintendo have tried to emulate Mickey mouse when it comes to Mario, and they could have just as easily took a bit more inspiration from the likes of ‘The Simpsons.’ It is possible to find a middle ground where Nintendo can have a cooler streak on its family friendly bandwagon. A streak which attracts the older gamer – and more importantly, the teenager who erroneously thinks he’s now growing out of Nintendo and it’s time to move to an Xbox. Stop thinking 5 year old and think more 15 year old! It’s time Mario stopped being so cutesy and discovered it’s funny edge. It’s time Nintendo gave the fans what they want out of Zelda, and it ain’t another cartoon, as good as they are.


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